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How to Handle Mental Illness in a Pet Parent?
Hi all, this thread is fantastic. Congratulations to all the successful trainers, new and experienced. I find this super motivating and helpful to build confidence in helping dogs and their people. Adding to the suggestion about mental illness in dogs I would like to ask how others handle how mental illness in a pet parent(s) is affecting the well being of their dog? I ask as one of my first dog sitting clients (I have just started and have my first clients – only 2 so far lol).
One is a senior with reduced mobility living with her adult son. There is tension in the family living environment, the pet mom is depressed and isolates herself and her Havanese cross in her room most of the day. She is on a fixed senior income and was referred to me by my pups veterinarian (so so grateful Dr. Turner is referring her clients ❤) because this little pup is quite overweight – she was 32 pounds and is recommended to lose 11.
I was hired to walk her 2x per week and I volunteered to also walk her 1x per week at no charge as I am concerned the pup (Marshee) is also depressed. At only 4 years old she sleeps most of the time upstairs and appears to lack energy. Once we are outside and on walks she does great and enjoys the combination of walking and stopping to “sniff the roses” so to speak with good endurance and lots of “happy” body language, eye contact and checking in with me.
Marshee has lost a couple pounds since being put on a restricted intake diet by Dr. Turner but progress has been slow and I believe in part because 3 walks per week is just not enough.
The client cannot afford any more than that and is not able to do much walking. Her son works a lot and does not have the time or energy to help or walk this little cutie.
Would so so love to hear from everyone, both Marshee and her mom are super sweet and lovely please help me with some ideas to provide the best support for their health and wellness.
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21 Replies
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@HHPS Hi Marj, thanks for bringing this topic. I moved it here as it deserves a thread all its own. I’ll give folks a chance to think and respond, before I jump in. Looking forward to all the great ideas!
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Great topic – my first thought after reading your post was to ask the son if he might be able to help with the costs of adding more walk dates. I think you would not be breaking any rules by pointing out that you’re taking on a no-charge walk because you think it’s that important for the dog, and even with that extra walk the dog could benefit from more, but you’re stretched.
On a side note, I work with a shelter on a volunteer basis and I used to offer (2) free lessons to any adopter. I had 2 big reasons – I wanted to help make the adoptions work and I wanted to develop my business. I got very few takers, and the ones that did take the free lessons never called back after those were done. So then I offered (2) discounted lessons to new adopters. I got more calls and more continuing calls for full-priced lessons afterward. There’s a weird thing about perceived value – I think (some) people connect free with having no value. If they pay, they are more likely to perceive whatever it is as worth more.
I bring this up because I think it’s important for the son (and the mother if she has the capacity) to understand that you are making a sincere goodwill effort for them. This is not asking for recognition for doing something nice, but you are providing a valuable service. If the client can’t/doesn’t/won’t recognize that this is for their benefit then you can politely and modestly point it out.
Now for an on-topic question – has any seen or suspected a case of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy applied to a pet? I had 2 odd client-dog situations that made me think of that In the first instance I dismissed it because it just seemed too weird. Then when a similar situation came up with another client/dog, I asked a couple of other trainers if they had seen this. One said emphatically yes, they had seen it, and the other said she always suspected it with one of her clients.
My online searching on the topic has led nowhere.
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This is absolutely a thing, @Chris – excellent point to remember for those who really want to help all the people – free often equals worthless.
There’s a weird thing about perceived value – I think (some) people connect free with having no value. If they pay, they are more likely to perceive whatever it is as worth more. – Chris R.
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Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is an interesting question here, @Chris I definitely have seen some caregivers worry too much about their dogs – but actually to create symptoms that don’t exist? I think a veterinary discussion group would be a great place to ask this. I bet they’ve seen it; though I don’t know if anyone has done research on this.
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This is a really good topic for discussion – thanks for bringing this up @HHPS Marj.
One thing I thought of immediately when I read your post was how we could help your senior client interact with Marshee more and help stimulate Marshee’s brain and body. You could suggest treat dispensing toys for your client to feed Marshee her meals out of. One of my favorites is the Orbee Tuff Mazee because it hold a good bit of food, it’s clear silicone so the dogs can both see and smell the food (and it won’t mark up people’s walls or floors ????)
It should be quite simple for your elderly client to set up for Marshee and then Marshee’s got to walk around and work for her food, which will hopefully give her a reason to move during the day outside of your walks, entertain her mind, and maybe even entertain your client!
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Really great suggestion about using a food puzzle rather than food from a bowl! Agreed on this – and I was thinking similarly about ways the owner can engage Marshee from her bedside. Clicker training (with any marker; a button clicker even is too much for some elderly) might be an option, even if it were super simple. May brighten up the woman’s day as well to have an easy game to play with her companion.
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Very much agreed with @Catherine on the potential for this to brighten up Marshee’s Mom’s day! Another thought I had, depending on your client’s level of mobility, is she could also do some variety of scatter feeding – whether that be in a snuffle mat, some tupperware with newspaper crumpled up with the food inside, or even just hiding snacks for Marshee to find.
EDIT: Just want to clarify that this would be replacing Marshee’s normal meals out of a bowl with these techniques, not adding additional games for the sake of eating!
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* Just so long as it’s not EXTRA calories for pudgy Marshee! ????????
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I recently had a case where the family dynamic was very odd. The dogs were out of control – one dog in particular was guarding Mom from the rest of the family (snapping at them with good bite inhibition, if anyone approached boisterously). Older teen boys who were, well, teen boys, and often rambunctious. And a dad with high functioning ADHD/Asbergers which they disclosed during the consult. It explained a lot about why he would get super focused on one minute detail of what I’d said to the exclusion of the big picture and at other times could not grasp the single concept I was trying to teach.
I had to change my coaching to accommodate him, and I depended a lot on the mom for explaining what I was trying to get across. Observing her, I started speaking in ways he could get the info. Shorter sentences. Rephrasing. Asking for him to repeat what I’d said. Comprehension checks.
Anyway – I ultimately coached them to consider rehoming the dog, as there was a very high risk of behavior escalation (a bite) which, if it had occurred, would have reduced that dog’s options to only behavioral euthanasia due to the rescue where they got him. Since they could not follow the safety and training plans due to their family limitations and expectations, I hope rehoming was a lifesaving change for that dog. (They did do that.)
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These are all so helpful. I have suggested all of these enrichment play incorporating movement into Marshes’s day and the benefits for mind, body and spirit. The mom is depressed and so lacks the motivation to follow through as part of the illness. I have also spoken with her about how loving she is with Marshes and that because Marshee is only 4yo they would both see Hugh benefit from more engaged play that doesn’t have to be strenuous for the mom. The son and the mom don’t talk, or the messages and info given to the mom don’t seem to reach the son and vice versa.
I would for them to work together and so send everything including pictures and videos on walks to both now and have to realize I am a dog walker and pet care specialist not a counsellor so trying to walk that balance for the best outcome for everyone.
And I am so grateful for the reinforcement on value, I really need to be confident in that area and realize this business must work for me (and my little Poopy the wonder dog) too.
Absolutely love this community and all the fabulous people.
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Is that Poopy the wonder dog in the backpack? That is the best picture ever.
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Great photo, @HHPS Marj! You are so smart to know your boundaries. It’s important to be able to sustain your efforts so you can keep bringing the great care and attention to all your clients (and Poopy the wonder dog). Please keep us posted on Marshee as you are able. We’re glad to be alongside you!
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Yes, that is Poopy the wonder dog in the backpack. She comes on the bicycle with me in it (she is tethered in securely). When it was new we would walk around with her in it so I could be sure she is comfortable and not moving around and then we started going out on the bike. I put it on the floor with the hatch open, she climbs in, I zip it up and we go. I am super fortunate that she is an excellent and adaptable traveler lol.
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And thanks Catherine, I am already learning so much and gaining confidence. I took Marshee for an outing today and gave her mom a couple more ideas (as mentioned in this thread) while also talking a bit about the importance of play for improved mood, energy and bonding. I believe it is starting to help the mom and her son too as the mom was in a much lighter mood and said she is also starting to go outside and walk to the end of the block and back and plans to keep that up. I have this forum and everyone in it to thank ❤
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Wow!! @HHPS Marj!! That’s so AWESOME!! I’m over here with damp eyes at this news. This is just so fantastic. ????We are difference makers in that sweet woman’s life.????
Thank you for caring about her and little Marshee, and for letting us come alongside you in your journey with them! ???? Please do keep us posted and let us know how else we can help. We are all better, together! ????
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Hi all, I wanted to update everyone on the important work we do and how it can have a positive impact on both dogs and their human companions. This thread started because one of my first clients has a pup needing more exercise and a strained family relationship between the dog mom (a senior) and her adult son whom she lives with. The mom was very depressed and her pup “pudgy Marshee” as Catherine joked (made me laugh because it’s true and why they were referred to me) was also not displaying the energy and bonding one would expect of a 4 yo Havanese cross.
Today Marshee’s mom shared that she is feeling much better, has started a photo album of all the pics and videos I send of her pup on our walks, provided a wonderful referral that helped HHPS become a vetted and approved local business and added to the city’s database for referrals through the Senior Home Support Program, and also included a tip in this weeks payment for walks. The mom is also looking for an apartment for her and Marshee near her brother and looking forward to the future. I have been working as their dog walker for 3 weeks today! While our training and education are focused on helping and understanding dogs the biggest impact is helping people be great pet parents which brings more joy and a better environment for our furry clientele.
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This is such great news, Marj @HHPS Congratulations on the referrals and especially on making a huge difference in this woman’s life while helping her dog be healthier. If you haven’t already done so, may I recommend sending a short note back to the veterinarian with an official report of your actions and their impact? This is a good move for your relationship with them and also helps them keep an eye out for Marshee’s health (if weight isn’t going down with the added activity, there may be other issues like thyroid, etc.) Good luck!
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Great advice, thank you.
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Hi Marj. I enjoyed reading the brainstorming ideas in this thread. I am always impressed with how common sense with just being emotionally grounded leads to reasonable decisions. Your feel for the dynamics and exercising caution in either over-diagnosing or over reacting is laudable. I am a retired clinical psychologist who began my journey working with dogs about the time I stepped away from a career of working with people.
From my read of the issues I would avoid any temptation to intervene or even explore the mother-son relationship – to include NOT trying to solicit his support for dog walking. As you intimated, it may be healthy for her to find her own place perhaps nearer to other support systems.
While MBP syndrome is real it is fairly uncommon. And it can be a contentious issue (ie., fighting words) if dog mom or her son hear those words and understand it’s meaning. I suggest you stick with behaviors of concern and if you find that she or he harms or shows intent to make the pup sick for the secondary gain of getting attention, your one recourse is to document those behaviors/acts and report to the interested Vet &/or animal control.
On a bright note, I’m guessing that your involvement and interest may have inspired dog mom to consider taking action to change her living situation! Much like pushing a car with wheels stuck in mud, any movement requires lots of effort. It is a big win that this deeply depressed person even began entertaining options for moving forward in life. I think you should take some credit for that. And sometimes small victories are worth savoring.
I’m choosing to believe that your involvement likely made a sizable difference to both the dog and her dog mom!
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Hello Cliff – just to clarify, the question I asked re MBP wasn’t related to Marj’s posts. It was something I brought up because of particular experiences that I had with my own clients.
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