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THEO THE NEWFOUNDLAND
Hello. We are seeing a 4-month-old Newfoundland owned by 2 young women- Karen and Maria. Karen is a teacher who is gone all day long and Maria is retired and home during the day. I unfortunately don’t have much hope despite being a very positive person. So, the scoop is the dog is now at 52 lbs. and to grow up to 150 lbs. They have a very small home and no fenced back yard. They live in a 55 plus community with maybe 10 feet between the houses. Whenever we train, we ask both women to demo understanding of sit stay or whatever tasks we present Karen yes, Maria no. Next session we were told Maria had a long day and night so direct everything to Karen. ‘Maria states I have been with this dog all day long and I am done” She will only watch our training recommendations Next week, we walked down the sidewalk, Karen ok will briefly demonstrate and Maria no. Do you take your dog in the golf cart Karen yes, Maria- no I am not comfortable driving alone with the dog in the dog cart. during the day. (Karen working and not home) Also no car available for Maria to get out of the complex and is stuck at home with the dog. I adjusted the length of the seatbelt. Karen will lift the dog onto the seat of the car seat. Maria sits in the back seat. Oh, why are you lifting this dog and not have the dog jump into the cart. Oh, he is not allowed to jump. So ” will you continue to lift 150 lb dog into the cart so he can wait for you and be dependent.” What about having the dog sit on the floor of the golf cart. Oh no. Karen spends time on the weekend, and everything is good. Maria not so good. Maria describes herself as nervous and anxious. The dog has bitten (oh ONLY in play) and ripped Karen’s clothing. Handouts are not read. The walking on leash, Theo will jump up and down and like a little kid have a temper tantrum and resist walking. Rich & I will demo loose leash walking – stop and or turn and walk the other way to redirect the dog. Maria tends to stay in the house all day long. Oh, she can’t walk the dog cuz it’s too hot. might burn his paw pads. When she tried to walk the dog 7:30 in am . He started this jumping around and oh he doesn’t want to walk so she returns home. When we arrive the difference between the 2 women is night and day – and I get hammered with issues. I see they are approaching their last lesson this week )5-week training program.) Maria keeps asking how about a prong collar I read on Facebook that they work. So, despite the best education about aversive and supportive documentation from American Vet Society on Humane Treatment- I believe I see the beginning of an aggressive dog developing. After our last visit- I would imagine they go out and get a prong collar and all bets are off. Here we are and HATE to tell someone- although I must THIS DOG IS NOT RIGHT FOR YOU. THIS BIG DOG NEEDS A DIFFERENT HOME. REHOME HIM- He needs more space, exercise and running room as the dog is growing but the house is not. DO DOGS GET CLAUSTROPHIC —??? If anyone has suggestions. This couple needs to realize this is NOT A GOOD MIX. IF anyone has suggestions, I am all ears.
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9 Replies
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Hi Denise and Richard,
This sounds like a complex situation. You have identified a number of issues:
- Disagreement between partners
- Lack of support for either partner from the other
- Overwhelm by at least one partner (Maria)
- Unrealistic expectations about dog ownership and care
- Theo’s physical and emotional needs being unmet
- Theo’s size and future changes
A big part of your time seems to be spent managing the conflict between the two women. You might practice a script ahead of time:
“It seems you are in disagreement about how to proceed. I’m here to help by saying what is best for Theo, not take sides. Is there any reason not to follow my advice?”
I think you are SMART to help them see that Theo may not be a fit for their lifestyle, and the sooner the better. They clearly love him or they wouldn’t have called you.
You can open a conversation by finding agreement points:
- You both care about Theo
- You both want what’s best for Theo
Then, ask each one: “What is the one thing that would mean SUCCESS for your relationship with Theo?”
When they answer ask: What are you willing to do, to make that thing happen?
Then ask: What is the one thing that would make you want to let Theo go?
When they answer ask: What can YOU (not the partner) do to (either prevent or facilitate, depending upon their attitude toward the event) that happening?
Sometimes, client coaching is helping the people see that you are not there as an enforcer, or to take sides, but to simply and clearly point out that you are the dog’s voice and advocate. Get buy-in by finding the common theme: They care about the dog, then ask questions to help them state what they are willing to do. And if the answer comes back, “Nothing; I’m done!” opens up another conversation about the resources available in your area to rehome the dog safely.
Best of luck with this case – it’s not an easy one!
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I need to copy and store all of this, @catherine . Such elegantly crafted points to facilitate much-needed and productive conversations. Thank you!
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Wow great suggestions. Thank you. It’s like with asking those questions whether they come to the conclusion that rehoming the dog may be in the best interest of the dog. Its actually reshaping the discussion. Just wondering if they have thought about this between themselves. But maybe have not admitted it yet? Thanks for your feedback. I hate to tell them that but luring them into that suggestion. Very clever!
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Hi Denise and Richard,
This is one of my pet peeves – people having certain breeds of dogs that they shouldn’t be having for one reason or another. Catherine covered all the bases for opening the conversation. Gather your information in advance in case they are willing to re-home him, like rescues that specialize in re-homing Newfoundlanders. I would really hate to see him end up in a shelter. Reiterate the needs of and emphasize what Theo needs for his breed. Theo needs a job. You are maneuvering some very tricky waters with these clients.
I wish you all the best with this. Keep us updated on how it turns out.
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I am sad to hear about this big dog with the wrong people. People just want an IDEA of big dog ownership. It is a lot of work, I’m sure @pawsup will attest to that.
Many pet peeves back! I think the conversation would be a good idea. It is always harder in our minds than the actual conversation will wind up being. I’ve agonized over such a client recently. They were relieved to hear me start the discussion.
Good luck @denny !
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Great support from everyone – but this, right here:
They were relieved to hear me start the discussion. – Paula M.
Is OFTEN the case, especially when the dog is a perceived thorn in the relationship. (Note – the dog “issues” are often a reflection of other problems.)
Sometimes people sigh with relief when I suggest rehoming as an option. I might start with “Why did you get a dog?” Or, “What does ideal dog ownership look like?” Or, “What would you want from having a dog as part of your family?” – and these questions can help them determine whether Theo will ever be a fit… and what, if anything, they might look for in another dog. You can always mention you can help them choose a dog for their lifestyle, one they would enjoy more. (Charge your normal rate for this service.)
Love the idea to come with resources at the ready! – Good idea, @Dogmom2023 ! I sometimes have even brought a list of human relationship counselors if they seem open to that idea. I might ask a question like, “Would you be interested in working on your communication and needs around keeping Theo? If so, I have some counselors who may be able to help.”
Sometimes, your “training” business isn’t going to be about training, at all. Sometimes, it’s helping people find their way through turbulent waters, and the best outcome for the dog. We are their voice, and we are the “tour guide” for their relationship with the dog. We can’t tell people what to do, only advise and encourage. By asking good questions and listening carefully, we can shape a conversation toward better understanding of the dog’s needs.
Helping people really see the dog in front of them is the best we can do!
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Thank you. I have prepared some questions to ask following Catherine’s suggestions and think I can do that. I feel a little nervous but going in and discussing the best interest of the dog is the way to go. They got the dog from a breeder called Noble Newfoundlands about an hour away from Ocala, FL and pending the discussion would welcome them to contact them again. Interesting when I researched the website and their application process asked if there was a fenced in yard. I have to wonder if anyone really did come to see this new development and what their response was. Thank you so much for all your feedback.
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This is such a tough case. I agree with all the answers so far. It seems also in this case if we insert any breed the two people do not agree on the needs of a dog. Big breeds are all cute and fluff but really grow into bigger fluff. You are doing such a great job coming up with ways to have this discussion! Please let us know the outcome!
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What a great idea about the breeder, most good breeders want their pups back and they will rehome.
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